"Mormon" Mothers Must Stay at Home: Truth or Myth?

Among Mormons or members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is commonly believed that women should stay at home with their children. This is an idea I grew up understanding and have believed to be true when I married, as I've had children, and now as they are all in school. I've heard many members of the church say, "Well, the prophet says moms should stay home." I decided to find out the true counsel given to families.

When my mother had young children and I was eight years old Ezra Taft Benson, an apostle, was very clear in counseling women to stay at home. He said, "Since the beginning, a woman’s first and most important role has been ushering into mortality spirit sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven. Since the beginning, her role has been to teach her children eternal gospel principles. She is to provide for her children a haven of security and love—regardless of how modest her circumstances might be. In the beginning, Adam was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow—not Eve. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s place is in the home!" (Ezra Taft Benson, The Honored Place of Woman, October 1981 General Conference).

On September 25, 1995 I attended a worldwide Relief Society broadcast. Relief Society is our women's organization. At the time I had one child who was just over a year old. I was doing my student teaching to finish my degree in Elementary Education. My husband worked nights cleaning the temple and stayed home with our daughter in the day. I was student teaching in a second grade classroom. The wonderful teacher I worked with couldn't understand why I would want to earn my degree and then stay home with my daughter. I wondered the same thing myself, since if I taught school I would influence many more children than my one child. At this meeting, President Gordon B. Hinckley read the historic document, The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Along with the declaration of of our belief about gender, our definition of marriage, and warnings of abuse, the proclamation states the roles of men and women. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and the protection of their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I felt validated in my decision to stay home after I finished my degree.

But aren't we a different generation now with different needs? Here's what the current marriage student manual says about women's employment. This is from Spencer W. Kimball who died when I was in middle school. So the manual is current, but the quote is from before I was a mother. “The husband is expected to support his family and only in an emergency should a wife secure outside employment. Her place is in the home, to build the home into a heaven of delight" (Spencer W. Kimball, Mother's Employment Outside the Home, Eternal Marriage Student Manual, 2003, 237–40).

In 2003 Gordon B. Hinckley counseled that women should pray and consider carefully if they should work. At the time he gave this instruction, I had four of my five children. My oldest was nine years old. "Weigh carefully that which you do. You do not need some of the extravagances that working outside the home might bring. Weigh carefully the importance of your being in the home when your children come from school" (Gordon B. Hinckley, To the Women of the Church, October 2003 General Conference). At that time I couldn't imagine a time when my children would all be in school.

This next instruction came from an apostle of the Lord, Quentin L. Cook, in 2011 when my last child was one year from starting school. Surely then it would be time for me to get a job. Here's what Elder Cook said, "These are very emotional, personal decisions, but there are two principles that we should always keep in mind. First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven’s plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions" (Quentin L. Cook, LDS Women Are Incredible!, April 2011 General Conference).

The instruction from the church leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints seems clear. Mothers should be at home with their children if possible. The benefits to children and families are many. You can read the talks in more depth to learn some of those. But...I can't think of a single mother that I know who hasn't engaged in some sort of money making pursuit. As a stay-at-home mom I've sold Avon, written stories for a local magazine, and now I work one day a week as a bookkeeper at my husband's CPA office. Also, I want to state with great emphasis: Being a stay-at-home mom does not mean that we don't develop our talents and feed our spirits and intellect. Find joy in homemaking skills and in your talents. I love to write and have devoted countless hours to that pursuit while being a mother at home. Also as I've worked on my homemaking skills--sewing, cooking, helping my children with homework--I've been blessed to love my children and those skills more. Which is good because no one else has offered to cook my meals, do the grocery shopping, or make sure my child does his at-home reading. I would guess that similar to our jobs as mothers, there are aspects to our husband's employment that they don't enjoy but can still do well.

There are some mothers who have to work. Members need to be prayerful and use their own intellect to  decide what is best for their families and as Elder Cook said, we should not judge each others' decisions.