Living With Depression: What I Know of Myself about Sharing Stories and Compassion versus Force

​From my own experience with depression and anxiety and now trying to support a family member with depression and anxiety, I’ve come to know some things of myself. What I’ve come to know in this past month was why compassion is better than force and that sharing our stories gives us hope and strength.

This past month I participated in two book groups. For one I read Silent Souls Weeping by Jane Clayson Johnson which is a compilation of stories from members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who struggle with depression. For the other group I read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. The philosophies of these two books seemed to be in conflict. Silent Souls Weeping suggested that compassion and patience were the ways to deal with depression in ourselves and others. In a chapter about suicide Jane Clayson Johnson says, “There can be no dispute: nothing but love and compassion—totally devoid of judgment—should be bestowed upon individuals who live and die from mental illness” (Silent Souls Weeping, Jane Clayson Johnson, p. 148). Dale Carnegie compiled many stories about dealing with worry and his answer seemed to be to stop worrying and get to work. One chapter is titled “How to Cure Depression in Fourteen Days.” Dale Carnegie quotes Alfred Adler, the psychiatrist, who said, “You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this prescription. Try to think every day how you can please someone” (How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie, p. 172). After reading these two books, I didn’t know whether to listen and console or to compel and command.

When I posed this question to both groups, I learned two things. When someone suffers from depression, improvement will happen when the person chooses to act. I cannot compel or force. Even if I think I know the best way to deal with depression, it is still up to that person to make the choice. At a Relief Society activity where a therapist taught us about empathy and depression, I asked, “In dealing with my own depression, I know what worked for me. Can I tell my family member what to do to get better?” The therapist said, “When you were depressed, how would you have felt if someone told you what to do?” That would not have helped. I needed to make choices for myself. What I needed was to talk about my depression and to have loving and supportive family and friends. That was the second thing I learned from both groups. We need to share our experiences with loving people with whom we feel safe. Jane Clayson Johnson shared from an article in Psychology Today that “Telling your story—while being witnessed with loving attention by others who care—may be the most powerful medicine on earth” (Silent Souls Weeping, Jane Clayson Johnson, p. 197). Dale Carnegie shared story after story about someone who has conquered worry because of loving and being loved by someone else. And it is in the sharing of those stories, that we gain understanding and empathy.
​
What I know of myself now is that I need to share, and I need to be compassionate.