How to earn privileges as a teenager or the post my mom's been waiting 27 years for me to write

Last night as I waited for my teenage son to get home from a work party, I had one of those moments I've come to think of as "One day you'll understand what you put me through." That would be my mom finally getting recognition for the worry I caused her as a teenager. As the time moved past when I thought my son would get home, I became annoyed, then mad, and then worried. He was supposed to get a ride home, but his dad went to get him because I had by then imagined horrid scenarios. It turns out that there was nothing to worry about. The party was just ending. He was having a good time with friends doing fun and appropriate activities. There was a lack of communication for when we thought he was coming home, when we expected him to be home, and what he should do if he was going to be later than we expected. I can now imagine what it must have been like for my mom waiting for me to come home, and why I lost the privilege of getting my driver's permit for a few months. So, here's some tips for teenagers that will earn them more privileges and their parents more peace of mind.

Before the activity, decide with your parents on the time you are expected home and the nature of the activity.

During the activity, if it will go longer or you want to stay longer, call or text and get permission. If you don't get permission, come home.

After the activity, either that night or the next day, tell your parents about the activity. They want to know what's going on in your life. The more you share with them, the more likely your parents are to let you participate in more activities.

In my son's Freshman Cornerstone class, he learned that the brain is not fully developed until adulthood, in the early 20's. My husband likes to use this information to tease our teenagers about their faulty choices. I could blame my poor teenage decisions on an undeveloped brain, but I knew inside that I was making poor choices. If I'd figured out how to communicate better with my parents and thought ahead about the consequences instead of the thrill, maybe I would have had a better relationship with them as a teenager and more privileges. I'll be sharing this advice with my son and can only hope I won't have too many more chances to learn what I put my mom through.