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Words on Writing and Faith

Do "Mormons" kiss?

9/11/2013

 
Yes.
​
My children think it's gross when my husband and I kiss. But let's talk about kissing before marriage or teenage kissing. The goal for a young man and young woman is to remain sexually pure. The For Strength of Youth pamphlet says, "Do not have any sexual relations before marriage," and "Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression." This means no sex before marriage, no sexual behavior that is disrespectful or leads to a situation where you feel out of control or are not able to feel the Holy Ghost--a form of personal revelation. The specifics in the Fort Strength of Youth are, "Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing." As a youth I tried to read between the lines of specific standards like this. So...that means I can kiss and hold hands and give back rubs. Ask yourself, are you still in control of the situation? Can you stop? Will this behavior lead to a situation that you'll regret? And deciding in the passionate moment is too late. Decide on your standards before the moment because hormones and love are exciting and exhilarating and hard to stop when you get going. Did I kiss boys when I was a teenager? Yes. Should I have done less kissing? Yes. Do I think my children should avoid kissing until marriage? No. Kissing can be part of the dating experience.

Let's talk about the current dating situations in my community. You're supposed to not be exclusive with one person. No boyfriend or girlfriend. The reason for this suggestion from the prophet is because this leads to emotional closeness that should come when you are dating to get married--not when you are dating as a teenager with plans in your future like graduating from high school and a mission and college--and physical closeness can lead to transgression. But you shouldn't be making out with a different person every weekend. Or holding hands with a different partner each week. That's cheating and disrespectful. What I see is that teenagers expect that if a boy likes a girl and the girl likes the boy back, then they have to be "going out" or boyfriend and girlfriend--exclusive. It doesn't have to be that way. Go on dates with many different young people. Enjoy this time of life. Are you going to develop feelings for one of them? Probably. That's natural. That's what happens. And it's exciting.

This dating and kissing standard is confusing. Date lots of people. It's okay to kiss a little bit. But don't kiss everyone you date. If you like one young person in particular, then maybe that's the person you kiss occasionally. But if you're seen holding hands at school then everyone will know you're exclusive and then you won't be following the counsel to date many different people and no one else will want to ask you out because they don't want to violate the boyfriend/girlfriend policy. You could only hold hands in private or kiss behind the bushes where no one sees. That can lead to more temptation. It's a tricky balance.

Be prayerful. Read your scriptures. Attend seminary. Do personal evaluations of your purity and make adjustments as needed. Repent if needed. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want you to succeed, because having a family where the husband and wife are completely faithful and come to the marriage sexually pure, leads to trust and fidelity in marriage. Isn't that what you want from your parents? Isn't that the kind of home children should be born into?

Now that I'm old and married, I'm glad my husband and I can kiss whenever we want. He wishes we would more often. Don't peek behind the bushes.

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    I am a mother, a grandmother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a runner, a writer, and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

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