As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. I'm a writer.

I struggle with being overwhelmed and stressed with all the good things I need and get to do. This is not just a Mormon problem, but a people problem. I need to make meals, buy food for the meals, clean the house, establish and maintain family and friend relationships, exercise, serve, write, do my church calling or job, volunteer at the school, complete and compile monthly bookkeeping reports, read to my child, study the scriptures, etc. I've addressed this problem in previous posts. I've thought that if I had less to do, if I eliminated responsibilities, I'd be happier. Or even better if other people eliminated those responsibilities for me, I'd be happier. Don't expect me to attend the temple regularly. Don't expect me to organize a fundraiser. Don't expect me to make dinner for my family. Or maybe I need to learn to say no.

In March of last year I wrote about establishing good habits. In the book, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, he explains that having a keystone habit allows you to accomplish more. I know that three keystone habits for me are reading my scriptures, praying, and making my bed. If I do those three things every morning, it helps my day go better. And at least the first two are necessary because they help me communicate with God. They are important. But here's another keystone habit that I've tried to eliminate and when I do, I am miserable. Writing. When I write, I'm balanced and everything else seems to fit into place. It's like that object lesson where you fill a jar with rice then try to force in golf balls. It doesn't work. But if you put the golf balls in first, then the rice fills in the spaces. I've seen this object lesson in church many times. This past Sunday our teacher used this visual to teach us why we need to put God first. Why the first commandment is to love God. But I've struggled with how writing fits into putting God first. How can writing be one of they key things I need to do to make everything else fit? It's not scripture study, prayer, serving others, attending the temple. It seems like a selfish need for me. In fact knowing that it's something I need to do, I've felt resentful of everything else expected of me. These feelings or thoughts are selfish, is what I've told myself. So if I gave up writing I would be happier and could do more selfless things.

Many of my friends have said, and I'm sure you've heard this before, you need to do what makes you happy. If Momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy. Do what you love and enjoy and then you can be a good mom. Those sentiments have helped a little, but I've still wondered why writing is such a need for me and why everything else seems to fall into place when I write. This week I think I've figured it out. Big reveal. Actually I still don't know why writing is a need of mine, a keystone habit. But this week I did make writing a priority and I've been able to fit everything else in. I've been happier and more content. And here's why. "As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). When I don't write I have a continual cycle of negative thoughts where I am resentful of everything else I have to do. If only I didn't have to go grocery shopping, I could write. If only I didn't have to volunteer in my son's school, I could write. If only I didn't have to wash and fold the laundry, I could write. It's not that I hate doing those things, but everything seemed to interfere with writing. But it was all in my head. Imagine my husband saying, "I knew that all along."

Before Christmas, my friend and fitness instructor, did an experiment on me in front of the class. I held my arm out straight from my body. She told me to think of something positive, a good thought. I thought of my children and how much I love them and the good relationships we have. Then she told me to resist while she pushed down on my arm. My arm held firm. Then she told me to think of something negative. I thought about my writing and how my manuscripts have been rejected. She pushed down on my arm, and I couldn't hold it up. We finished with a positive thought. I thought about my husband and how much I love him and our good relationship. My arm held firm again. I went home pondering that experience. Did it mean that I should focus on my children and husband and give up writing? No. That hasn't proved successful in the past. I decided it meant that I needed to change the way I think about writing. I need to make it something I do. Not something I fit in when everything else is done, because I will never be done with everything else. A couple of weeks ago when I set my positive intention at the beginning of my workout, I told myself, "I am a good writer." Then guess what? Later that day as I was writing, an agent requested my entire manuscript.

Obviously for everyone, writing is not the habit that will make everything else fit. I'm saying that as we think, that's how we'll act and feel. If I'm continually thinking negative thoughts, then I'll be unhappy. If I'm thinking positive thoughts, faith filled thoughts, I  will be happier. And for me that means thinking of myself as a writer and acting on it.