When I was a mom of young children, older more experienced mothers would say, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast." I dismissed their advice because clearly they didn't remember what it was like to have little children and be exhausted all the time and have no personal space and constantly clean up messes that would be made again. Well, guess what? I'm now one of those advice giving mothers. I chuckle at children in the store throwing tantrums. I want to reach out and touch a newborn baby to whom I am not related. The other day a pregnant woman complained about being tired and I laughed. In a public restroom I spoke to a young girl who was with her mother. The girl didn't speak back to me, because I'm a stranger. I remembered wondering why older, strange women would think my child should be polite and gregarious with them.


Do you know what else women with teenagers do? They talk about how mothers of young children have it easy. Having teenagers is hard. It's exhausting mentally. Once they are home from school, my mind is engrossed with their issues. And they leave their stuff in my space when they know better and are capable of putting it away. Then, they insist on making their own choices. About friends, homework, college, marriage.


The other day I cleaned some old spaghetti squash out of the fridge. I reached my hand into the container and plopped the left-overs it into the garbage. I was thinking how I try so hard to feed them healthy food. How they don't appreciate all I do and how I was throwing away this disgusting spaghetti squash because I was the only one who would eat it. I thought about how being a mom is hard. Then a thought touched my heart, "But what a privilege." Yes, what a privilege it's been and still is to love these children. To see them grow and make their own choices. To see the people they are becoming. What a privilege it is to be their mom.

I want to follow up from last week's blog about mothers working outside the home.
My husband says I did not voice my opinion out right. That I quoted the prophet and apostles and said, "It's up to you to decide." In the responses I received some seemed to feel that the blog supported their decisions and others did not. That's the beauty of the gospel and the gift of the Holy Ghost. God gives His words through the prophets, and then it's up to us to pray and discern the voice of the Spirit to know what is best for our families.
How exactly do we figure out what Heavenly Father wants us to do? How do we separate His voice from those around us? I listened to an excellent episode on parenting: How to Know if You are a Good Parent - Part 2. Jean A. Stevens, Neill F. Marriott, and Linda S. Reeves, all leaders in the general women leadership of the church, discussed this topic. In the children's song, The Church of Jesus Christ, we sing, "I know who I am. I know God's plan." How do we know God's plan for us, individually? Should I work outside the home? Should I be home with my children? Should I have a side business? Should I finish my degree? Is what I'm doing good enough?  Neill F. Marriott said, "How do you know who you are? We know who we are when the Spirit whispers to us. And we need to seek that. Once we know. Once we've made the effort to kneel down and ask, 'Heavenly Father, who am I? Am I important?' That knowledge will come. We do need to take some action and ask, 'Am I important to you? Am I someone important that you love? Who am I, Heavenly Father?' We will begin to get feelings that will draw us in, that will give us an opportunity to compare to the other voices saying, 'You're nothing. You don't have a degree. You just have children. You have a messy yard.' But we can turn from those voices and say, 'No.There's another voice that feels right and good.'"
Our Heavenly Father wants us to be anxiously engaged in good things. In a revelation to Joseph Smith, the Lord said, "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27). We can use that question as we kneel and ask the Lord what he wants us to do. Am I engaged in a good cause? Am I bringing to pass much righteousness? How can I do better? Am I good enough?
A few weeks ago I was able to attend a women's regional church training. Sister Wendy Nelson, wife of apostle Russell M. Nelson spoke to us. I wrote in a previous blog that she said if we are not happy we are not following our mission in life. She also taught that the Holy Ghost speaks to us personally, individually. She told a story from her own life where as a young single adult she was praying to know if she should marry a young man. She lived in Provo, Utah at the time and during the weekend of general conference she tape-recorded the talks from the TV. Every single talk was about marriage. By the end of conference she knew she should not marry that young man. Years later she was asked to teach a church class about marriage. She remembered the general conference where all the talks were about marriage. She thought it would be wonderful to play the words of the prophet and apostles to those she was teaching. But when she listened to the talks again, not one was about marriage. When we are humble and prayerful, the Lord will instruct us through his prophets and apostles and the promptings of the Holy Ghost. During the regional meeting Sister Nelson would share a story or teach a principle and have members of the audience share one sentence about what the Spirit taught them. I wrote down my thoughts. Not one of the ideas shared was exactly what I learned or the same as those shared out loud.
The Lord wants us to be happy. He wants us to be good mothers, wives, women. Let's embrace our roles as mothers and not apologize for those efforts. Let's support each other as sisters and not judge one another for the choices we each make. As I like to tell my children, the only person I can control is myself. I cannot change the world by thinking, wishing, pleading that others will alter their opinions. Although I'm doing that here. :) I can ask the Lord if I'm doing what he would have me do. If I can improve. If I'm enough. And He will answer.

Mormons believe that we chose to come to this earth. In a counsel in heaven, we decided we wanted to come to earth to gain a body and once here we would be free to continue to make choices. Our loving Heavenly Father wanted us to choose His way, to keep His commandments because He knew that is how we would grow and be happy and be able to return to Him. He also knew that we would make mistakes, that we would not always choose His way. That is why He sent His son to earth to live, be an example, to teach, and then to atone for our sins and be crucified. Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, we can repent.

So if I do what the Lord wants, keep his commandments, that seems like I'm not making a choice, that I'm just doing what He wants. Remember when you did the dishes because it was what your mom wanted? You did it because you didn't want to be nagged or didn't want the consequence, not really because you wanted to do it. Or maybe you rebelled and didn't do the dishes. You were still making a choice. One of my husband's favorite philosophers, Rush, says, "If you choose not to, you still have made a choice" (Freewill Lyrics, Rush). With every decision we make or don't make, we are still making a choice. We can choose to follow the Savior's way or not. If we do, if we submit our will to Christ, we will be happier. And our choices, our freedom will expand.

This past month my inspirational quote has been, "Seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf). At the beginning of the month I prayed for a change of heart, a recognition of what I needed to do to follow Christ. I was tired of feeling overwhelmed and unsuccessful. As I've prayed, studied the scriptures, attended church meetings, counseled with friends and family, and set goals the Lord has shown me what I need to do to choose His way. As I've done so I've been "in the groove." I've been able to accomplish more and I've felt at peace. Much of this came because I chose to stop fighting what the Lord wanted me to do.

One of those is to be a proponent of Scouts and fulfill my calling in the Stake Primary. I was tired of telling Scout leaders that they needed to be trained and that I needed volunteers for day camps. I thought I would feel better if I was released. Another is for me to be a writer. In an interview with Sheri Dew she spoke about the biographies she wrote for two prophets, President Ezra Taft Benson and President Gordon B. Hinckley. She explained that they had different personalities, skills, and styles but they were the same in their faith, devotion, obedience, testimony and being willing to be instruments in the hands of the Lord (Conversations, Sheri Dew, Episode 54). Also at a regional training meeting Wendy Nelson, wife of Russell M. Nelson, said that if we are not happy, we are not following our mission in life. I don't know why my mission in life is to be a proponent of Scouts and to write, but I know that as I've embraced those this month, I've been happy.

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ cannot and will not force us to choose their plan. If they were to save us in our sins, give us eternal life even if we didn't choose their way, that would be taking away our ability to choose. When we decide, and we can even pray to ask for help to choose their plan, they will be ready and willing to guide us.