A mom's battle to keep her children safe: Censoring the internet

​At church we discussed strategies for protecting our children from pornography. While non-Mormons may think that we are strict, have many rules, and don't allow our children to make choices, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have a strong belief in agency or the ability to make choices. In trying to protect our children from pornography are we taking away their choice? A woman in our meeting gave a great analogy. She said that some people live on quiet streets and neighborhoods with very little car traffic and it's safe to let their children play outside. But in other neighborhoods, cars drive by fast and often and parents don't allow their children to play on the street. They set up restrictions and rules to keep their children safe. The internet is a place where we and our children work and play that has lots of traffic, much of which is unsafe and can cause harm.  I've come to believe that protecting our children from pornography is a constant battle with three stages or lines of defense.


Set up fortresses. These are tools to protect us and our children from exposure to pornography. Get an internet filter. I don't have one to recommend, but there are many. Limit the access your child has on the internet through settings on their phones, tablets, or Ipods. On Android devices this is done through profiles and on Apple devices this is done through the settings with a password. We recently blocked Safari from our daughter's Itouch. She can text, receive e-mails, and use apps we've approved that have access to the internet, but she can't go to the internet to search or look up information. Limit the times and places your family uses the internet. We've had our computer in the kitchen for years now, but using the internet in the open needs to apply to our personal devices too. Have a basket in the kitchen where every member of the family puts their devices. Use them in the main area of the home. Have a time at night where there is no access so you can spend time together as a family and work on homework without being distracting. Then have a time when everyone is done with the internet for the evening. My parents used to say that I didn't need to be out after midnight because nothing good happened after twelve. I would say that applies at an even earlier hour with the internet. You can either set a time with your router to have the internet shut off or you can have all the devices in a box or basket that is put away next to Mom's bed at night. No child or adult should be using their personal internet connected devices in their rooms at night.


Keep those fortresses maintained. Teach your children very plainly about the effects of pornography. Teach them the importance of keeping their bodies clean and safe. Teach them that relationships should be long lasting and built on trust and real love. Teach them to recognize the conflict with pornography----that it feels bad and good at the same time. Help them develop an internal filter because no matter how much you filter, set rules, and monitor, we each have to have develop our own defenses and the ability to walk away from viewing pornography. Then teach and talk to them some more. And not just about pornography. If you have a loving relationship with your children, they can come to you when they need help.


Repair damaged fortresses. I've heard this for years and didn't believe it until recently. It's not a matter of if but when our children will view and perhaps engage in long term pornography use. The Savior's atonement can help overcome pornography use and addiction. But only when the pornography user is willing to change, willing to be humble and repent. Parents, other family members, and respected adults can help in this process.


The other day I was sweeping my kitchen floor and lamenting in my mind that Satan has an unfair advantage. I can't compete with the draw of entertainment and pornography and the craftiness of those who seek to entrap us and our children. But then I went to the temple and was reminded in the initiatory ordinance of the power I have through keeping covenants. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who are worthy can make covenants or promises in the temple between themselves and God. We promise to keep His commandments and dedicate our lives to Him, and He promises to help us overcome the evils of this world. Overcoming is not just something that will happen after we die. There are many resources and supports to help us. I will list some I've found at the end of this blog.


Mothers, be strong. Be the defenders of your home. Keep fighting. You are worth it. Your husband is worth, it and your children are worth it.


Good Pictures Bad Pictures: this is a book to read with children of all ages.
Four FHE lessons for families from lds.org about pornography.
Arm Your Kids for the Battle: an article from BYU magazine.
To Young Men Only by President Boyd K. Packer: a pamphlet about masturbation and thoughts.
A Parent's Guide: a book published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of age appropriate teachings about sexuality.
Mormon Channel: For the Youth--lots of great episodes about thoughts, agency, sexual morality, and more.
Fight the New Drug:  a website which teaches about the harmful effects of pornography.