A Light in Darkness

​I like to make sense of my world and my actions and beliefs with cause and effect or if, then statements. If I pay my tithing, I will always have what I need financially. If I teach my children while they live at home through consistent Family Home Evening, family scripture study, family prayer, meals together, my example, and church attendance, then they will have solid testimonies. If I obey the commandments, I will be blessed which means I will be happy. In my immaturity, I thought I would not have struggles, that my children would not have struggles, that our lives would be happy and blessed at all times. Sure, I heard the testimonies of others of blessings through trials, but in my pride, I judged that they must not have been following all the commandments. As you probably already know and I'm being taught, my making sense of the world in this way was a false belief. Following Jesus Christ and keeping the commandments does not mean I will have no struggles or that I will be happy all the time. So what does it mean? Why follow Jesus Christ?

In our Relief Society class last Sunday we discussed "Infuriating Unfairness," a talk by Elder Dale G. Renlund. Elder Renlund is an apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of his responsibilities is to testify of Jesus Christ to all the world. He spoke of several examples of intense struggle or unfairness including the 1994 genocide in Rwanda, the affects of the COVID-19 pandemic, a man wrongly incarcerated, disease, abuse, and more. He said, "In unfair situations, one of our tasks is to trust that 'all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.'" He also said that we want to know how and when, but that hasn't been revealed. As I tried to make sense of this in class, I read through my scripture study notes and found 1 Nephi 21:15-16, "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." I will try to explain what the Spirit taught me, although words are not adequate to convey the light and understanding that came into my heart and mind, dispelling the darkness. The Atonement of Jesus Christ does make everything right, but not always in this life. The Savior knows the child born in Rwanda, the child born into an abusive home, the child born as a drug addict, the parents of those children. And He will make it right. Jesus Christ will be the judge and that child born in the abusive home will not be judged in the same way as I will be judged. The Atonement rights all the wrongs. Jesus Christ is the most loving of Gods. It's not that he allows bad things to happen. It's that His Atonement makes all the difference for all of us, for every circumstance. Each one of us is graven upon the palms of his hands.

Let's go back to my earlier question. Why should I follow Jesus Christ? Why should I keep His commandments? If the Atonement of Jesus Christ rights all the wrongs, what does it matter what I do or what I choose? I don't know all the answers to those questions, but what I do know is that because I studied my scriptures, because I attended church, because I repent, I received enlightenment during that Relief Society lesson. I received wisdom and peace. Jesus Christ has not left us alone to suffer. He sent us "another Comforter...even the Holy Spirit of promise" (Doctrine and Covenants 88:3). The Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost teaches us in our minds and hearts what the Savior wants us to know including increased understanding of Jesus Christ, "He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things, in that he comprehend all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth. Which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ" (Doctrine and Covenants 88:6-7). I want greater wisdom. I want understanding. I want the light which shineth in darkness so that in my struggles, I can have joy even if I'm not always happy.
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Last night as I drove home from a Relief Society activity, the sun was setting, a blazing ball of red which pierced the smoky haze. I am grateful for that light, that sun which penetrates my heart, fills me with warmth, light, and understanding as I continue to study, pray, keep the commandments, and receive personal revelation.