​I have been writing and submitting since 1996. That's twenty-six years. And I just received my 168th rejection. So I've decided to self publish or indie publish. To begin my indie publishing career, I purchased three e-books on Amazon. Two were in the genre I want to publish, fairy tale retelling, and one was a clean romance. The first one had a lot of plot or action, but not much character growth and the second one was pretty good. The clean romance, While You Were Speaking by Maria Hoagland, was well done and fun. Then I read through my book again and discovered that it was a lot like the first e-book I purchased, lots of plot but little connection to the characters.

At my writing group last night, Neysa Jensen shared from Jane Friedman's website that plot is the external events and story is the internal transformation. We care about the character and the story through that internal transformation.

Today I read about Job from the Old Testament and his trials in D. Todd Christofferson's talk, Our Relationship with God. I used to think that we study the scriptures for examples of people who always do what is right and try to emulate them. But Job cried out against God, saying that he'd been wronged. God chastises Job, and Job admits his sins and is humble before God. I can relate to Job. I can appreciate his story. His flaw, his despair, his abandonment. In our Come Follow Me study we've learned about Moses and the Israelites. They were a people who murmured and sinned again and again, but God refined them and prepared them for the promised land. They grew and progressed like Job, and that's the story I can understand. The story isn't about perfection. The story is about turning to Jesus Christ and allowing Him to teach and shape us.
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I am fearful of this next step in writing. There's so much I don't know. My current manuscript is not as good as I originally thought. But I have a deep need, a desire, and a push from the Spirit that this is what I should be doing. I need to let my story be one of growth. Growth is painful. If expressing yourself through writing is not your thing, you may not understand this creative need I have. This trial may seem silly compared to yours, but there is probably something that is unfulfilled in your life for which God can do miracles if you let him. President Russell M. Nelson urged us to "seek and expect miracles."
I'm committing to my characters' growth. I'm committing to my own growth. I'm committing to story and miracles.

Ek Balam, The bottom, December 2021

It's tax season. If you know our family, you know what that means. We own a small CPA firm, Treasure Valley CPA. During tax season which is January through April 18 this year, my husband, Alden works from about 6 am-8:00 pm Monday-Friday and most of the day on Saturday. He meets with clients about their taxes from 8:30 am-6:00 pm every half hour with maybe a 30 minute break for lunch. We have three permanent employees with four seasonal employees this year. I work during tax season five days a week and the rest of the year one to two days a week. We have one child still at home who is fifteen so I'm trying to be here for him and get him where he needs to be. This year I've taken on more responsibilities at work and have felt overwhelmed. There are not enough hours in the day and especially enough hours at work to finish my tasks. And I love to complete tasks.

This morning during my scripture study, the question I asked was "How do I prioritize?" I can't complete everything at work and home in the way I want. So what comes first? How do I accomplish all I need to do? I read in Genesis 28 about Jacob's ladder and the Spirit taught me why Jacob dreamed of a ladder. A ladder has rungs and while you might have long legs and be able to bypass a step, you still have to climb to the top, step by step. You can't fly up. You can't just be at the top instantly. You have to go through the steps one at a time to reach heaven. That was my answer. All I can do is step by step. One day at a time.
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In December Alden and I took a vacation to Cancun and visited Ek Balam, a Mayan ruin. I've seen pictures of people walking straight up the steps of the Mayan ruins, but our guide, Vanessa, suggested we use a different method. The steps were shallow, not deep enough for my whole foot. And they were steep with more height between each one than the stairs in our home. Vanessa suggested we walk up sideways with our foot parallel to the step starting at one side of the ruin and going across, then turning our bodies and repeating until we got to the top. We did a zig-zag type of pattern from the bottom to the top. I put one foot in front of the other and concentrated on the step in front of me. The top seemed very far away and very steep.

Ek Balam, the middle

But then we reached the top, and it was glorious!

Ek Balam, the top

We could see the jungle all around. We saw mounds that were likely other ruins that had been covered by the jungle growth. The site at the top was worth the climb.
Then we had to descend. Vanessa suggested we go down step by step sideways, leaning in towards the ruin. You can see people doing that in the first picture. And again, one step at a time, we made it.

​I so much want to do everything right all the time, but I love that Jacob was taught that we progress in this life step by step with our priority, our focus on the glorious goal of eternal life. I don't have to be, cannot be, instantly at that goal. It takes one moment, one day at a time, with my focus on that step, that person, that moment with the grace of Jesus Christ to reach the top.

​I regularly listen to two podcasts each week to gain more insight into the Come Follow Me lessons, followHim and Talking Scripture. Many of my friends also listen to these and other podcasts. I imagined a Sunday School lesson where we were sharing what we'd learned from podcasts passed off as our own insights. I have also shared what I've learned from podcasts with my husband and son, and the joke in our house now is that if you do something I don't like, you deserve to listen to a podcast. Or more than one. So this past week as we studied about Adam and Eve and the Fall, I pondered what I'd truly learned. I was able to apply some teachings from these podcasts and my own study to my life, and in the application, my faith and testimony increased.
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After Adam and Eve partook of the fruit, the Lord God told them, "Thorns also, and thistles shall it [the ground] bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field" (Moses 4:24). We have a thorn-less locust tree in our back yard that has thorns. It's a beautiful tree, but you have to be careful when you walk past to not get caught. My husband and I have been married twenty-nine years and are still learning how to communicate and love and respect each other. There was tension between us this week, and I was feeling defensive. I listened to a couple of relationship podcasts and learned some good tools but also some that didn't feel quite right. Then I asked in my scripture study how to fix the tension with my husband, and the answer I received was to pour out my soul to him. I did, and it was scary, not because he's a scary person, but because it's uncomfortable to be vulnerable. We had a good conversation, and I realized that the tension had built up because I wasn't being open with him. I saw how a concept I learned from Dr. Shon D. Hopkin on followHim applied to my marriage. After Eve ate the fruit, she went to Adam and he ate the fruit. Eve didn't hide what she'd done from Adam, and he didn't reject her (Moses 4:12). Then when the Lord God asked about what they'd done, they admitted they'd eaten the fruit. The consequences of their choice was that Adam and Eve knew good and evil, were able to have children, had to work "by the sweat of [their faces], and would die (Moses 4:25). Then, as was always the plan, The Lord God provided a Savior to atone for our sins and the sins of Adam and Eve so that we can return to His presence. Through my actions and choices like Adam and Eve, I saw that as I worked through the thorns and thistles and involved the Lord in asking, I had joy in my relationship with my husband. I know that it is in the personal application of the concepts and insights from the lessons that I learn and grow. And I know that while podcasts and experts can help me understand and learn more, it is through the grace of Jesus Christ that my relationships are strengthened, and I become who He wants me to be.